It can last a month, a year or a decade: every loving relationship generates memories that are connected to each other. Whether you like it or not, they make the process of getting over a break-up difficult and painful for some people. How do you get over the end of a loving relationship? Find out more.
Breaking up: why do couples break up?
The end of a relationship is a moment that is associated with different emotions. It is common for people to feel sadness and disappointment. After all, it is a situation that signals a major change in life and in most cases it is impossible to prepare for it, to meet it face to face.
When you are in a relationship, you tend to make plans for the future, idealise situations and create expectations. Then, with separation, all these dreams fade away and are replaced by another thought: what have I done wrong? The search for one answer can be very different, all the more so when there is a separation despite love, because one of the parties still loves. Of course, there are times when some couples decide to end their relationship together, although more often than not it is one partner who actually makes the mistake that leads to the end of the relationship. What can happen is an incompatibility of desires, goals and lifestyles.
- The main reasons that lead to the end of a relationship are
- betrayal: whether it was an accidental “forgetfulness” or years of living on two fronts;
- different life priorities and lifestyles: work, hobbies, leisure activities have changed over time, and when they realise this, their lifestyles are no longer compatible and each leads a completely individual daily life;
- win the interest of others of the opposite sex;
- loss of interest in sex: no more sex drive;
- intolerance and irritability: everything the partner does is irritating: voice, manner of speaking, jokes, style of dress, hobbies, etc.
Stages of separation – what are they?
Many people who have experienced a break-up wonder why it is so difficult to cope. The end of a relationship can be very sad and painful, so it is not an exaggeration to compare it to bereavement. This does not necessarily refer to the physical death of a person, but to the process of loss, whether it is sharing the same space, the same object, going to the park together, a movie together. A sense of pain, of absence, of emptiness arises after someone has disappeared, whether that person is alive or not.
When a relationship ends, you may feel that you are losing a part of yourself along with the time that has already passed, and it is very painful to lose. You may hear from friends and family that you should put this pain aside and move on without looking back. You need to go out and find a new job, meet new people, read a good book, travel, etc. Yes, you need to look for things that are good for you, but also allow you to get over this mourning. Every such process goes through certain phases. They are natural and become part of a healthy adaptation to the new situation.
The stages of separation include the following conditions.
Denial: These are defence mechanisms that arise in the face of pain, denial and/or feelings of victimisation in the face of suffering. At this point, the benefits of separation are not yet visible. Only thoughts of loss and disappointment dominate.
Guilt: It is natural for people who have been abandoned to feel guilty about breaking up a relationship at some point. They are comforted by assurances that they “forgive” themselves for their mistake and believe that things will get back to normal. They still see a chance to get back together with their former partner.
Sadness: it turns out that there was no point in denying or blaming oneself for the break-up, because there is no chance of getting back together again. So there is a sense of great sadness and an inability to cope with suffering.
Anger: In coming out of denial, guilt and sadness, one may sometimes encounter anger and rage. Negative emotions and resentment towards a former partner are aroused.
Acceptance: This is not a stage of happiness, but a moment when the person who is abandoned tries to change the feeling of sadness into something like acceptance. He begins to realise that losing someone is natural and necessary for transformation. Sometimes he seeks the necessary help from a psychologist to do this. This period is also very important for self-discovery and self-development.
Regardless of the reason for the break-up, anyone can go through these stages, and the most important thing is to be able to respect yourself and give yourself time to accept the situation.
How do you get over a break-up?
Separation, divorce or separation from a partner is always a painful experience. That is why people who have been left behind wonder how to get over a break-up. Do you have the same question? First of all, remember that the initial phase of a break-up affects you the most. Suddenly, hour after hour, the person who has been your everyday companion is gone.
It is important to give yourself time to feel the changes and adapt to them. You can cry, you can scream about your pain, but remember not to let the sadness stay longer and interfere with important life activities. Suppressing feelings or trying to ignore them will make them come back stronger in the future. Moreover, depression after a break-up is a common condition for people who have not coped with their grief and have an ingrained sense of hopelessness. Remember that it’s normal to suffer for a while, but when it lasts longer, it becomes a problem. Seek support from friends and family as well as a psychologist to come to terms with the changes in your life.
How to get over a break-up – 4 steps to help you
Step 1: Understand that it is normal to feel uncomfortable. Feelings such as sadness, anger, exhaustion, frustration and confusion can be intense. Anxiety about the future is also common. The ideal would be to accept such reactions and know that over time their intensity will diminish.
Step 2: Give yourself some time. Allow yourself some time to feel and function at a lower level than usual. Of course, you won’t feel very productive at this stage, so don’t expect things to change overnight.
Step 3: Share your feelings. Seek out close friends or family, that is, people who can help you through the break-up. Isolation and withdrawal into yourself can increase stress levels, reduce concentration and have a negative impact on your health.
Step 4: Allow yourself to mourn the loss of the relationship. If you feel you cannot cope alone, the help of a psychologist can be the basis for going through this step. It is not easy, but it can be dealt with in a less unpleasant way with the support of a professional.
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